Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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