capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
