He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
