Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
