Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
