We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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