okay pat passed out under dana's car
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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