as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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