I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They took my balls.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
