i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
