My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
