i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
