I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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