i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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