somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
