Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
