If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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