Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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