Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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