I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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