All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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