now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am one with the molecules
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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