Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
