Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Found the puke drawer
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
