I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
