the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
