I cannot find my penis.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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