Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
