I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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