Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
