yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.