he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD