dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
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Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved