Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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