so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
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the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
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I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear