We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways