I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
