LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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