i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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