Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I want to fling myself into the sun
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
