My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
