it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
