I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
