Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
