i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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