So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
birth control should be required to get into college
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
