my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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