I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
