I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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