Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
