i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
