On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm at about main and main street
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
