come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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