I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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