you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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