ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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