I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
