chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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