Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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