i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
