remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
