So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
