I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
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