i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
