I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
