I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
