I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
