this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
