tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
