I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
