I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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