he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
