I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Randomize
