I only kidnapped one of them. chill
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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